A Followup

This will probably make no sense to anyone except the person whom it is directed towards.

Posting will probably be light this weekend as I need some time to unwind a bit. It's been a very, very stressful couple of weeks.

I thought that it might be good to write some of this. It is usually much, much cleaner than when I try to verbalize it.

You already have some of the background and basics. I want to look more at what has brought me in this direction and some of the other factors that might be important.

That feeling. The one that I tried to explain. It is incredible; unique. It pulls at you, tries to bring you closer, but at the same time keeps you away. You get close enough to know it is there; to want to reach out to touch it. But it is just far enough away to be out of physical reach. It leaves you wanting. Wanting to find it again. Wanting to understand it. Wanting to feel it. It is at once both a deep-felt pain and an absolute elation. Unlike many other feelings, though, it has no fear associated with it. It is unknown, unseen, and unbelievably powerful, but it does not instill fear. Instead it envelopes with an odd warmth.

It is indescribable with mere words. What I have above is but a small fraction of what it is truly like.

I have sensed it in many places. Canterbury was the first and most powerful sensation. St. Paul's in London, Lincoln, Sacre Coeur in Paris, Jerusalem, Bethlehem - almost as strongly as in Canterbury. Also at home, in stores, around town, driving alone through the backwoods, driving around town - but never at work, oddly enough.

It is incredible. Never there when I expect it. When I think I need it the most, it is not there then either. Only when things appear to be beyond pale, or when I least expect it, that is when it appears.

It is my confirmation. It is the justification for my personal belief. And it keeps coming to me, especially recently.

I have always enjoyed teaching, at least those who want to learn. I have often thought about going back to school to get an advanced degree and to teach something like economics or investment theory. But both of those, while being interesting and useful, leave me lacking somewhat. I just need to feel as though I'm doing something more than teaching someone how to balance a portfolio.

Many things will be changing over the next few years. I have no choice on that. The status quo cannot continue. If I'm going to be making significant series of changes, might as well make sure that I’m happy when I'm done.

Email me at blog-at-cbnoble.com with any comments.